graduation

The world is too ironical for me to comprehend. Why is it that the special events speed by but the ones we don't like take so long? It ended too quickly. One minute I was changing into my gala, the next I was receiving the long-awaited diploma, the next I was hugging my friends and crying. I was pretty much a wreck last night. I managed to put on a strongface, as Nicki would say, throughout the whole singing of the grad songs, but I started to break down while were singing the Alma Mater song. It sucked by the way, the song I mean, because we were all practically singing the alto part, but that was the part when I started crying because it finally sank in that it was the last time I was ever going to sing that song. I took one last look at the gym and got all emotional.

I was even more emotional in the podium. We took pictures and cried and hugged more. Apa and I started the waterworks again when we saw each other.

On the way home, we talked about how I'd have different friends in college, how they won't be the same as the ones I have now. That made me even sadder than I already was. I cheered up a lot, though when I saw my parents' grad gift when we got home. It made me happy to have it. Then, we went to Tomas Morato and ate in Tempura, where I saw other graduates with their families.

I sigh again.

written at 7:10 AM

raging hormones and sappy good-byes

Yesterday was so sad. I can't remember ever having cried that much at school before. Everyone was hugging everyone else. It was all so incredibly sappy but we didn't care, because it would be the last time we'd all be together in our classroom, and the last time our adviser would be imparting any advice to us. It's sad; I can't even remember much what she said.

I'm going to miss our class so much--praying together in the morning, taking classes, laughing together. The year was lost to us before we even had time to stop and really look at it. Most of us were hoping that there'd be classes today, as our day of lasts in the school, but classes were called off. It hasn't really registered yet that yesterday was the last day I'd ever wear that brown uniform, the one I've been wearing 5 days a week since I was in the first grade, that yesterday was the last day I'd ever say those long-winded morning prayers, the last time I'd ever enter our classroom, the last time I'd eat with my friends at our Jesus Table, and the last time I'll ever take the bus to school with The Busmates.

It's hard to really let go of people and things you've been with for so long. Even if I've been raging at the school for that thing that they denied me, and even if I kept saying I wouldn't ever go back because of that, I still probably would. I'll miss the school, most of my teachers, and my friends. Apa and I cried and hugged for a long time because it just sank in yesterday how far we'd be from each other next year. She'd be here in Quezon City, I'd be in Manila. It's funny; we've talked about it for so long and haven't been bothered by it until yesterday.

****

Had a fantastic lunch with Jescia, Koko, Nicki and Keishia at CPK today. It ended too quickly though. I didn't want it to end. I wanted us to just eat and laugh at all the nonsensical things in the world like we've always done for the past 4 years or so of our being tablemates and friends and never leave. I got all sad again when I realized that I wouldn't eat with them during recess or lunch in college anymore. I keep wondering whether I'll still find friends like them in college.

I sigh.

written at 7:30 AM

scared sh*tless

Gah. I just confirmed my slot for college today. I'm still scared, though. I keep thinking if I made the right decision. I've been wanting to go to that college since I was a kid. I mean, to me there was no other college. I like my course there, and I can get great a job after I finish. (Great meaning one that pays a lot.) I'm just apprehensive of the long travel there, although I kind of anticipate taking the MRT and LRT to school. I saw the campus when we there last Saturday. It wasn't a pretty sight. It looked outdated and extremely old. Think 100 years old.

So yeah, hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko.

written at 6:03 AM

under construction

jescia koko nicki ces lori jojo tete patice piggy betbet lib kar erin kimmie nikki tan ms lagud ms platon aji camille krista poj abby kaila danica

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